


The Diagnosis

by SapphicSufix



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 16:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30024738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphicSufix/pseuds/SapphicSufix
Summary: Related to "She's My Bestfriend", this is the story of how Cat Valentine coped with the hospital and gained a diagnosis. This story will make sense without reading "She's My Bestfriend", however, reading both will add some context to the story.This was supposed to be a oneshot, but apparently, I'm incapable of that.When the police forced her out of her mother’s house, Cat had thought she was headed for prison. Perhaps it wasn’t a logical thought; she hadn’t after all broken any laws (save for some light vandalism way back when). Still, when the police barged in, she couldn’t help but feel like she was headed for metal bars and timed showers. Instead, she was stabbed with a tranquilliser and carted to an emergency room.
Relationships: Cat Valentine/Jade West
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	The Diagnosis

When the police forced her out of her mother’s house, Cat had thought she was headed for prison. Perhaps it wasn’t a logical thought; she hadn’t after all broken any laws (save for some light vandalism way back when). Still, when the police barged in, she couldn’t help but feel like she was headed for metal bars and timed showers. Instead, she was stabbed with a tranquilliser and carted to an emergency room. 

As soon as she entered the building, Cat was met with the rancid scent of disinfectant. The scent triggered every memory of every time she’d had to come here with her brother. Even with the sedative in her system the smell along with the noises and chaos of the building triggered Cat almost as much as the event that had caused Cat’s admission in the first place, but the nurses escorted her to her bed efficiently enough to avoid another meltdown. 

The hospital bed was better than the waiting room, but not by much. The curtain around her bed at least meant that it was easier for Cat to block out her surroundings, but the bed itself was quite a challenge. The hospital blanket was incredibly scratchy, and while Cat knew she would feel more comfortable if she simply threw the blanket on the ground, she figured she might get into trouble for dirtying it, so instead, she resorted to squeezing herself onto the very top of the bed and confining herself to the sheeted area. 

Cat survived her first night in the unit by covering her ears with her hands and trying to block out both the hospital machinery and the noises in her head. When morning came, Cat was greeted with hospital food that looked more disgusting than the rotting refrigerator of her childhood home, and a tall man wearing a stethoscope and a cardigan. The man mistook Cat’s position on the bed as an indication that she was cold, so he gathered an additional blanket, and placed it, still folded, on the edge of her bed. 

‘How are you going?’ 

The man asked, but Cat didn’t reply. It wasn’t that she was being rude, it was just that she couldn’t figure out a way to put what he had asked her into a coherent thought, let alone words. After a few minutes of silence, the man tried again. 

‘Did you like your breakfast?’ 

Now this was an easier question to answer, no! An emphatic no to that one! Only, the no stayed inside of Cat’s head too. For the first time in her life, Cat’s brain wasn’t letting her talk. 

‘You gave everyone quite a scare there Cat, I hope you’re okay. Were you intending on ending your life?’ 

Again, Cat’s lips remained clamped shut and she stared at the man instead of talking. Deciding that the timing wasn’t right, the man soon said his goodbyes and left Cat alone. 

But that wouldn’t be the last she’d see of him. For two days the man entered and exited Cat’s room in the same manner he had the first time, and for two days he would ask exactly the same questions, hoping for a reply. 

‘Were you intending on ending your life?’ 

‘Are you feeling safe right now?’ 

‘Do you think you might do it again? 

Even without the clamp on her lips, Cat wasn’t sure she would have been able to answer a single thing that man had asked her, which was a real shame because she was pretty sure that he was the key to her escape, that if she could just find the right way to respond, she might get out of there. 

Cat woke up on day three of her visit to find a woman instead of a man sliding through her curtains. The hospital must have decided that it was the man who was keeping her silent. 

‘Hey Cat’ the woman said, ‘I’m Doctor Garcia. 

Dr Garcia was pretty. She had curly brown hair and a sweet smile. Kind of reminded Cat of... Someone she would probably never see again. 

‘I’m just here to ask you a few questions.’ Dr Garcia took a seat next to Cat’s bed, seemingly waiting for recognition before she continued. Cat managed a small smile. 

‘A colleague of mine mentioned that he’s been having a little trouble connecting with you.’ 

A wave of shame rushed over Cat and she buried her head between her knees. The man must have thought she was rude. 

‘No honey’ the woman placed a gentle hand on Cat’s shoulder. ‘I’m not blaming you; I have trouble connecting with men too. The wife reckons I’m a little prejudiced.’ 

Cat peered out from the cocoon she had made for herself. Wife? 

‘Want to see a picture?’ 

Cat nodded enthusiastically and Dr Garcia pulled a small picture from her wallet. Cat then took the photo, which contained a younger Dr Garcia dressed in a lovely white gown, and another woman, who had half her head shaved, and was wearing an equally lovely white tuxedo. 

‘Anyway, I figured since I’m a woman I'd get a little further. I heard you were brought here under some pretty uncomfortable circumstances.’ 

Uncomfortable... Cat thought back to the police, and to the pills, and to the look on Jade’s face before she was pulled away from her. 

‘I’m really sorry about that’ Dr Garcia said sincerely. ‘The good news is, you’ve been here about three days, we can’t really hold you much longer without your consent. If you want to, you’re free to leave. However, here are my concerns. Cat, you were found with a hefty number of pills. Are you aware that consuming them all would have killed you?’ 

Still unable to talk, Cat nodded her head solemnly. 

‘I think that would have been very unfortunate if that had happened’ the doctor said. ‘And here’s my other concern: I haven’t seen any adults in the waiting room asking for you.’ 

Cat’s heart sank. She would have been stupid to hope for a mother or father, dumber still to have expected Pearl or Walter, but maybe if Frankie had been a little more cognizant... 

‘I’ve seen a lot of that goth girl though; she’s been hanging around like a bad smell actually.’ 

‘Jade?’ 

Cat clasped her hands over her mouth. She spoke. 

The doctor smiled. ‘Someone special?’ 

Cat nodded, finding the question too difficult to answer. 

‘My wife looks at me like that sometimes’ Dr Garcia said. ‘I’m glad you have someone. We all need people like that. But Cat, I’m afraid that’s not enough. With the scare you gave those officers, and with us not being able to find any family for you, you’ve only got two options. Either we transfer you to a mental health ward with your consent, this would be my recommendation. They have people who can help you in there, Cat. Or, I can get a colleague in, and we can discuss you going into foster care.’ 

Cat considered her options. Mom had always said awful things about foster care. Could she cope with those families her mother had described? She was 17 now, it would only be for a year... Frankie had never seemed to enjoy his time in hospital either, and if her stay so far was any indication... 

‘Do they let you have visitors in the mental health ward?’ 

‘Yes Cat.’ 

‘Okay’ Cat decided, ‘I’ll go to the hospital.’ 

‘Alright then’ Dr Garcia said. ‘Is there anyone I can contact for you honey? An aunt, or’ Cat’s face scrunched up involuntarily ‘Or... not an aunt.’ 

Cat thought for a moment. No one. There was no one that could come, but she didn’t want to tell the doctor that. Maybe if she sent them in search for someone, even someone who could never come, that would delay the process of foster care a little while longer. 

‘You can call my Nona’ Cat said. 

The bed in the mental health ward was better. Still not good, but better. The orderly at this new place had made an effort to roll Cat’s blanket to the end of her bed when she saw the way she was sitting, and there weren’t any other people her room this time. It was still too loud for Cat to get a restful night’s sleep though, so at 5:30 in the morning when she awoke, unable to fall back asleep, Cat decided to spend her free time sketching. 

The school were preparing for that upcoming Victorian play, Cat remembered. Perhaps she could spend a little time creating costumes. The Victorian era was fun to design for, what with all the hats, and the frills. Even though Cat’s only medium to create was a cheap pen and hospital notepad, she still managed to add intricate detail to the delicate dresses. 

‘Excuse me madam -’ 

Cat shot her hand out behind her, surprised and slightly frightened by the strange voice she’d heard. 

‘Ahh!’ 

She turned around to see that she had punched an old man in the face. The old man clutched his nose and whined in agony for a moment, before he stood up and revealed his strangely colourful outfit. He almost looked like a peacock. 

Having caused quite a commotion, a few members of staff popped their heads into Cat’s room, hoping to investigate its source. A stern looking nurse was let out an exasperated sigh and walked in to assist the pair. 

‘Nurse, she hit me!’ The man yelled, still clutching his bleeding nose. 

The nurse, who looked entirely unsurprised with the scene calmly explained ‘Arthur, you can’t walk into people’s rooms without knocking, we’ve been over this’. 

‘But...’ Arthur protested as he was guided away ‘I was simply trying to explain to this girl that the garments in the Victorian era had rather smaller articles of...’ 

There was a part of Cat that was curious about where the strange man was headed, but a bigger more primal part of her was more interested in the tray of food that had been left in his stead. 

Cat grabbed her breakfast, and quickly went to work. As it turned out, the loose candy bars and cans of soda Cat had eaten in her days of homelessness and the rancid hospital food had not been enough to sustain her, and she was famished. The food wasn’t the best she’d ever eaten, but its quality compared to the last place was increased tenfold. A small daily agenda was set out next to the empty meal for Cat to review. This place appeared quite scheduled – group in the morning and afternoon, meals, an appointment with Dr Garcia and at the end of the day, visiting hours. 

Don’t get your hopes up too high. Cat thought to herself. She’s got a busy life, just... Don’t expect too much. 

Group wasn’t as bad as Cat had thought it would be even if she didn’t contribute much. There were quite a few cool people who managed to fill the silence for her anyway. Among the line-up were Betty, a makeup artist, Andrew and Thomas, aspiring actors, and of course, Arthur. The 60-year-old History professor who managed to talk far more than the other three combined. 

Also, sitting at the opposite end of the room, was none other than Grace Rosetti. A younger version of Cat would have been ashamed of how long it took her to notice Grace. She'd been so caught up with her own world that she’d barely paying attention to surroundings at all, but hearing Grace’s voice brought her back almost immediately. 

When Cat was a kid, back before things got really bad with her brother, her family used to go on trips. Dad was there in the beginning, so was Mom, and Frankie. Cat couldn’t quite remember when it had stopped, probably around about the same time Frankie stopped going to school. 

There were a lot of other changes in Cat’s life at the time. Doctor’s appointments, hidden vitamins and nights spend in hospital waiting rooms. Cat tried her best to cope with the changes because they had been put in place to make Frankie better, but when her mom noticed her becoming more withdrawn, and the scratches on her arms increasing, it was decided that it would be a good idea for Cat to go on one of those trips alone. 

Well, not entirely alone. Cat flew as an unaccompanied minor and met up with her two uncles in the airport in New York. She had always liked her Uncles. Stephen, the fun one, had been the one to introduce her to make-up. ‘You have such pretty eyes’ he used to say, ‘let’s accentuate that beauty with just a touch of eyeliner’, and then he’d teach Cat how to do it too, while he fluttered his own pretty, green eyes. Ray was a little sterner and stockier. He was built kind of like a brick and was very stiff upper-lippy. Cat used to spend hours trying to get him to laugh, or cry, or really express any emotion, but to no avail. 

Both of them loved the theatre, and neither of them had ever been to Broadway, so off they headed to the most popular show at the time, Lizzie. The show had been better than she could have ever imagined. The music was perfect, the dancing was perfect, and few things had ever made Cat feel the way she had felt when Grace Rossetti sang. It was Grace’s ballad that got to Cat the most. It was a sad song about how lost she had felt, being put into shoes that didn’t fit her and being made to play a role at home, and at work that she never got the lines for. Cat had never before found someone who had understood her so well. 

Cat worried about being rushed out too soon. Her parents never tended to stay in crowded areas for too long, but Stephen and Ray seemed calmer. As the crowd got up to leave, Cat opened up her playbook, put on her best impression of a puppy and muttered 

‘please?’ 

And that was all it took. 

Cat returned back to her shared hotel room with a signed playbook and an enormous grin. It was great, while it lasted. When she returned home, Cat was greeted with chaos and broken glass, and syringes rather than a hug. Mom and dad never got to see Cat’s smile, or the playbook that had caused it. Aunt Pearl caught a glimpse though, of particular interest to her were the vast collection of hearts that Surrounded Grace Rossetti’s image. Only instead of listening to Cat when she tried to explain what the picture had meant to her, Pearl ushered Cat’s parents into the study, and when she came out, Cat wasn’t allowed to see her uncles anymore. 

The playbook had been placed in that study, locked in dad’s drawer underneath his desk, but in a rare act of rebellion, Cat retrieved it that night. Dad would have noticed, but he never said. Cat was pretty sure the playbook was still sitting in her schoolbag. If only she knew where it was. 

‘Oh my, there are so many talented people with us today’ Grace said enthusiastically her head and curly hair bouncing in the process. ‘I’m not that important really’ 

Yes, you are. Cat wanted to protest. 

‘I come from a musical theatre background, so New York is home. I almost feel a little out of place amongst you Hollywood types. I came here for treatment because I wasn’t coping too well back home and well... what better place to choose to recover than one surrounded by LA’s up-and-coming starlets?’ 

Cat wondered if the woman had forgotten how famous she was. She was far more talented than anyone else in the room. 

‘Anyway,’ Grace continued, ‘enough about me. Please, someone save me from having to hear the sound of my own voice any longer.’ 

‘I Can tell you the story of my admission if you like’ Arthur offered, apparently unaware of the chorus of groans and no’s that followed. ‘You see I work in a university with a lot of, shall we say, simple folk.’ 

‘Thank you for your honesty Arthur’, the facilitator began. 

‘Anyway’ Arthur continued, ignoring the woman, ‘due to circumstances entirely out of my control, there was... let’s just say... and unfortunate incident that occurred between me and one of those women, involving a bullhorn and a knife.’ 

‘That’s enough Arthur’ the facilitator said more sternly. 

‘Anyway, as a result, I find myself in your presence. Incidentally, with some rather creative individuals. I have nothing against that of course, who among us hasn’t enjoyed a little entertainment in their free time? Funnily enough, I find myself having rather a lot more of that since I began my stay in this establishment, and I must say, from what I have seen of the actors in Hollywood, you all look rather a lot -’ 

‘I’m going to stop you there’ the facilitator almost yelled. Cat noticed some of the group members chuckling underneath their breath. ‘Now that we’ve all had a chance to share, I'd like to start off today’s lesson with…’ 

‘But they haven’t’ Arthur said. 

Another chorus of groans sounded as Arthur continued. 

‘Okay’, the facilitator started, ‘anyway, let’s go ahead, and...’ 

‘This girl over here’ Arthur pointed straight at Cat, ‘hasn’t uttered a word since we got in.’ Arthur and the remainder of the group turned their attention to the corner of the room where Cat was seated. Cat’s face began to resemble a tomato. 

‘Yes’ the facilitator acknowledged, ‘but that’s okay, because our group rule is that’ 

‘Nobody has to share, yes.’ Arthur dismissed, ‘but why aren’t you sharing anyway, is there something wrong with your vocal cords? Because I once met a woman who...’ 

‘Oh my god, will you leave the poor girl alone?’ Cat and the rest of the group turned to see that it was Grace speaking. ‘Can’t you see she's had enough?’ 

‘Yes, Arthur’ the facilitator agreed. He sighed and smiled stiffly. ‘I think it’s time we move on.’ 

Cat zoned out for the remainder of the session. She noticed some muttering and some giggling from her fellow patients, but decided not to pay it much attention. She wouldn’t be staying here long, she hoped, so it didn’t really matter that everybody thought she was a silent freak. As long as they kept their insults to themselves, she could deal. 

Cat ate lunch alone. She collected it from the dining area, just like everybody else did, but when a couple people waved her over, and invited her to join them, she ignored them and took the food to her room instead. It wasn’t like Cat to be rude, or antisocial, but she also didn’t feel like being mocked anymore. 

Lunch tasted just as good to Cat as breakfast had, and she finished it just as quickly. She returned her tray to the kitchen when she was done, and made her way down the hall to wait for her appointment with Dr Garcia. 

As Cat waited to be buzzed upstairs, and taken to her Psychiatrist appointment, she was noticed by the same nurse who had spoken to her and Arthur earlier in the day. 

‘You know you don’t have to wait out here if you don’t want’ she said, ‘people usually just wait in their rooms until we get them.’ 

Cat shrugged; she didn’t really mind. 

‘Sorry about earlier’ the nurse said, ‘Arthur doesn’t mean it really, he just struggles with boundaries you know?’ 

Cat nodded her head. She’d once been called a level-3 cling-on for texting too many times without reply. 

‘Anyway, My name is Debby, what’s yours?’ 

Cat stuck two fingers above eat ear making them out to be ears. She then proceeded to clean her imaginary whiskers. 

‘Bunny? No... Cat!’ 

Cat nodded her head enthusiastically. 

‘Alright little kitty, let’s go up and see the doctor.’ 

Dr Garcia’s office was nice. It was professional, but still looked warm. Cat noticed a rainbow photograph above the doctor’s desk, and a galaxy stress ball, which Dr Garcia slid across her desk and gestured for Cat to take. 

‘So how are you settling in Cat?’ 

Cat took a deep breath, focussing her mind, and was able to verbalise ‘I’m good’. 

‘I’m glad to hear it’ Dr Garcia said, ‘though it would be okay if you weren’t. I know things in here are pretty different to being back home.’ 

Cat nodded intently. It was a lot quieter for a start. 

‘So, it’s okay. You can tell me if you hate it.’ 

‘Actually,’ Cat said, ‘the food is better here.’ 

‘Oh’ Dr Garcia cringed. ‘You poor thing.’ For a minute, Cat thought she might have said the wrong thing, but Dr Garcia smiled, indicating to Cat that it was probably a joke. 

‘Do you want to tell me what happened that landed you in here?’ The doctor asked, causing Cat to immediately clamp up. She couldn’t tell her; she couldn’t possibly explain that... But she also didn’t want to disappoint the doctor. 

‘Hey, hey!’ a gentle hand rested on Cat’s shoulder which had tensed up involuntarily. ‘I’m sorry hon, I... I went to fast. You don’t have to tell me anything until you feel comfortable doing so, okay?’ 

Dr Garcia had kind eyes. 

‘Okay’ Cat agreed. 

‘In fact, why don’t you tell us where to start’ the doctor suggested. ‘How about your family?’ 

Cat shook her head to indicate an emphatic no. 

‘Okay... friends?’ No again. 

‘Well...’ the doctor was stumped for a minute, leading Cat to believe that she was being too difficult. Perhaps, she should just stop wasting the doctor’s time, and go back to... 

‘I hear you’re enrolled in Hollywood Arts’ Dr Garcia said, ‘I’m betting you’re pretty creative. Want to tell me about that?’ 

Now this was something Cat could talk about. Cat made up for lost time by explaining to Dr Garcia every single thing that she liked about show business. She explained about the theatre, and about her favourite music. She explained how she liked to design costumes and how easy it was for her to figure out how much fabric to use. Cat even guessed the doctor’s dress size, which made her pull a face, and made Cat think she was in trouble, but the Doctor was still smiling by the time Cat finished talking. When Cat was finally done, and the therapeutic hour was up, she expected to be chastised for wasting so much time. Instead, the doctor smiled again and said 

‘I can’t wait to hear more tomorrow.’ 

Reluctantly, Cat left the doctor’s office, guided by Debby and headed down to group. She supposed she could ignore the group member's teasing again, as long as she could talk to Dr Garcia the next day. 

The lesson of the afternoon featured a term called “cognitive restructuring”. A term, Cat figured, that was familiar to many of her peers, judging by their sighs and complaints. 

‘So I suppose what I am trying to say’ the facilitator clarified to a room full of boo’s ‘is that a situation that appears bad from your perspective might not actually be as dire as you are making it out to be in your head. Sometimes, it’s helpful to look at the situation logically, and...’ 

‘So you’re saying it’s all in my head’ Betty said. ‘Sir, my ex-husband is suing my almost my entire worth, and I gotta tell you – thinking positive aint gonna make that situation any better.’ 

‘Suing you for your worth ey?’ Andrew asked, ‘must be nice to have one of those. You rich folk bitching and moaning away, while I can barely afford to stay in this place, the way my insurance is.’ 

Cat hated fighting, she looked at the facilitator to see if he would be able to bring everybody back to their morning of silence, but he seemed just as concerned and out of his depth as her. 

‘Well, I do believe, that if you are struggling to make ends meet, you really should have worked harder in your life. I worked my ass off auditioning and starring in any shitty production I could find, supported only by-’ 

‘Your rich daddy?’ Andrew smirked. 

‘I... I... How dare you say that -’ 

At the worst possible time, Arthur decided to pipe in too. Cat couldn’t really decipher what he was saying. It didn’t seem that relevant. With everyone talking over the top of each other, their words sounded like buzzing mosquitos to Cat. 

The florescent hospital lighting pierced Cat’s eyes adding to the chaos of her brain. 

I’m under my bed, I’m under my bed. 

Cat muttered to herself as she closed her eyes and covered her ears. Maybe the linolium would feel more comfortable than the plastic chairs. Maybe if she sat down and pictured herself somewhere else, she could survive this attack on every one of her senses. 

I’m under my bed, I’m under my bed 

The patients were even more heated after that. Cat saw that one of them wanted to pick a fight with Arthur, so the facilitator pressed a button to request help. A horrendous beeping sound was let out from the speakers, and Cat’s entire nervous system broke. 

‘I’m under my bed!’ 

This one was out loud and uncontrollable. Cat had to make it stop. She had to silence the mosquitos in her head the only way she knew how. Cat lifted her hands from her ears, raised her head, and quickly smashed her forehead on the ground. She did it repeatedly. Over and over again trying to make it stop, but it didn’t, and Cat was so exhausted. 

Crash 

‘Uhh sir?’

Crash

‘I think she’s…’

Crash

‘Nurse?’

‘Oh kitty cat’ 

Still shaking, but no longer banging her head, Cat was gently lifted and taken away. 

Silence. Cat opened her eyes to an empty room. The lights had been turned off and the door was closed. She realised the rest of the hospital had settled down quite a lot as well. For how long has she been out of it? 

Cat heard a gentle knock coming from her door, and saw Grade Rossetti enter gingerly. 

‘Feeling better?’ she asked. Cat nodded her head yes so Grace walked over to the bed. The woman looked purposefully at Cat and then patted the bedsheets. Cat smiled, which Grace took as permission and sat down. 

‘I’m sorry about the others’ Grace said, ‘adults can be so silly. Want to walk over to the nurse's desk with me? They have all the good stuff over there, stuff that will help you calm down yeah?’ 

This sounded good, Cat figured she could use all the help she could get. Arm in arm with her childhood hero, Cat walked over to the nurse’s area. It was Grace who requested the drug, but Cat’s nodded consent was enough for her to be granted the pill. 

When she’d received her tablet, and a small container of water, Cat walked to one of the plastic chairs to sit and wait with Grace for a while. A wave of calm washed over Cat as she sat and observed the hospital. Cat was unsure whether the sensations had come from the medication or the presence of Grace, but she was grateful regardless of the cause. 

‘I’m glad I’m accompanying you rather than being stuck back there with all of those conceited show-jerks' Grace commented. ‘I try not to speak badly of people, but my goodness do they all like the sound of their own voices.’ 

Cat giggled a little. Only a few weeks ago, Cat’s friends and family would have been saying that about her too. 

‘It’s nice huh?’ Grace said. Cat furrowed her brows, so Grace clarified. ‘The Valium. I assume that’s why you giggled just now.’ 

Oh. Cat didn’t think so, but she did feel a little better with the medicine in her system. 

‘Well, I'll leave you to it then’ Grace said, ‘See you tomorrow huh? Join us for breakfast this time.’ Cat nodded, feeling instantly better about her stay in the institution. 

Cat headed towards her hospital room, feeling more hopeful than she had done in a while. This place was not fantastic, but she could cope here, at least for a while. When Cat opened her door, she was surprised by the sight of a small purple giraffe sitting on top of her pillows. Cat blinked her eyes a couple of times, thinking that she must have been imagining it, but every time she opened them, the toy remained. 

‘Mr Purple?’ 

‘I thought you might be missing him.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think. I love reading your comments.


End file.
